As a toddler - grannie Packer + grandpa May
As a child - Dearly loved pets, + parents' friend (less close to me less real)
People were old when they died - it was a long-in-the-future event. The status quo would reign over us for a long long time.
As a young woman, the first wave came. I was far away and my presence was seen as non-essential and difficult.I believe I should have been there. Missed my first opportunities.
The process of accepting the reality of my approaching death emphasizes the importance + preciousness of each day - sometimes each hour and how I choose to use this time. Sometimes that reality shows itself as impatience - and I don't want to be "impatience." So I am driven to continue my work on figuring out the shape of who I wish to become - believing that I've been given this time limit as a gift - else the process might be forever postponed. Still, the loss of my our life, somehow might seem easier that to accept than loss of those closest to me.
I wish to be aware of the process, to experience the process - gently. I hope to experience richness in the closure and find a new beginning or a knowing as I slip back into the greatest source from which I came.