The Picturing Death Project Journal Entries from 1999-2003

The simple but effective structure for the Picturing Death Project, a cast glass table, four chairs, and journals, provide a structure for journal writing with 4 questions that help participants examine how we will choose to live with the knowledge that death is inevitable. Currently, the project table, chairs and journals reside at Hospice Care of Southwest Michigan in Kalamazoo.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Journal Entry 122

1. What do you imagine?

Although sometimes I think I am on the brink. Oh no s‘cuse me for rhyming . I have almost died, and at the edge of life and death, remember feeling a bit nervous because of my complete lack of knowledge regarding what does happen. And so I look back to the question and see “ What do you imagine happens?”

The imagination is a blender. She said, “ Maybe you need to blend everything up?”

Nothing is after I die. Nothing, but for fun, comfort, piece of mind, quiet of soul, satisfaction, and full of tummy.....I make things up like what I’m doing here. I say nothing to quiet, or too quiet to write about, and its okay, and it doesn’t matter. I’m not writing this for me, but for you.....pray you are of sound composure, and healthy mind and soul.

On a circle and the cycle of life, reincarnation, past life regression. Death as the beginning of a new cycle around. Death as the end of an old no real point it does begin round.

2. Have you experienced?


She was so sweet and dependant on me, to me, for me. She needed me, was my baby and it was an unexpected joy of a consolation prize after the abortion. Slept with me, walked with me, ate sometimes hated me. To begin all I would get in return were marks and scratches on my hands and arms. For months.

Then I left, and when I came back home she was in a boot. A big black boot. I called her name, “ Kimm. Kimmie.” And she called back and we were in love.

I am still in love and still conlent and can never forget how that morning went. He and I had argued the night before slamming doors and pounding the floor. He had been gone for weeks. When he came back she saw that it was him that made me angry. By morning we were friends again. By morning Kimmie was sink frozen, and sunk in rigamortis at the bottom of the fish tank. Oh. fuck oh shit I pulled her out and flailed on the floor with my cold wet dead rodent cluthced to my chest trying to make her warm again.

I put her in her pouch and then a nice cigar box with flowers all around and carried it with me all day.

I sat in my parents living room with my box on my lap.

He dug the hole in the cold in the dark and starved himself for two days. He felt bad.

3. What meaning?

It means that the few things humans have been doing, factually, since before I can remember being told. okay. right all together now. ‘This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.” Brotherly love.”

One would, united, under the sun, and the moon. Mhmmmhm that’s right and to think you thought that “pledge allegience” poem said we was all under god.

It meant that I should be happy and smile and make others smile and live nicely, and go slow, and relax. Time is a luxury like a gold and platinum diamond set Movida, or Rolex? It means I should work hard and feel satisfied. It means I should forgive myself for watching “Charmed” with my cousin. Many in an attempt to satisfy and make her happy. Even thought I can’t stand the show, or television and most movies for that matter. Because it made her happy and if she’s happy I’m happy. But, I only did it once, watched, “Charmed”, that is. And I’ll never do it again.

She thinks she’s a witch, and it makes her feel something I’m not sure what. But it makes me feel like vomit. Not a big deal really, I don’t think about it too much. Except for now. “Charmed” the television series starring Rose Mcgowan. She’s that actress who dated Marilyn Manson. They were cute together. There’s a good meaning to life, ummm what was it, for death. Gossip, family, friends, scandal, makeup (which I say was the death of the female). Makeup, sex, coffee, dancing, smiling, laughing, Kind of like Hedonism in Jamaica. I used to have bright yellow t-shirt when I was eight or nine. I didn’t know what it meant but I thought it was such a cool t-shirt.

4. Hopes and Fears

I want to drowned in deep blue clear water. Empty no plants, coral, or animals. The Dead Sea.

No comments:

Post a Comment