Journal Entry 696

1.

I imagine that I will be greeted by jesus and all of my loved ones who have already passed away. We will live in heaven floating on clouds watching our other loved one who have not yet passed, in their times of need being close o their hearts as I know my loved ones have done for me as I live. I will be a angel for others that need someone if in the case they don't have anyone they know who has passed away yet. Jesus we talk to me about how he viewed my life and how to be a great angel for others. I will speak with my loved ones that I have missed and grieve for the ones I won't be able to directly communicate with until they also come to heaven.

2.

My niece as well as both my grandpas have passed away. My niece has affected me the most even though I didn't see her often. I loved her and now she is my angel she gives me signs to know she is watching me. I love her for that. She was only two year old such a short life but she had a impact on so many people in my family and others. I regret so few times I spent with her. But every time I see a ladybug or a light flash went no one touched it I know she is there.

*miss you Molly*

Also I feel I have experienced my own death through my use of drugs and to this day I thank god for letting me be reborn. I look at life differently and in knowing that my life could have ended makes me enjoy life more.

My nephew also was close to death when he was born and every chance I get I go see him and look in his big eyes and thank god for giving me this gift. I would have understood if he had to go but I'm so glad god let him stay with us. Love you so much Matthew. As I held him in my arms at the hospital I just knew he would choose to stay with us if that was god's choice and he is now doing so well, he is a happy child.

3.

I never really gave death much thought until I thought I may die from drugs or kill myself so I could stop using. Now hoping I will die of old age and not by something I caused, I live my life better than before. I know what makes me happy and I try to do those things. Being around my family and my boyfriend's family makes me feel close to earth and god. I know I will die and no one knows how, I just hope I don't cause someone else too much pain or have to suffer much myself.

Your soul never ends you live in others.

4.

My deepest hope is to be in my lovely husbands arms and pass away in my sleep knowing my children and family are able to care for themselves and will miss me but not too much to know I will live on in their hearts.

My deepest fear is that I will die before I have a family as in children and a husband and that it will be very painful and I will be alone (as in no one physically there for me). I know god and my angels will be there even if it's painful or all of a sudden and I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do.